'Don't be guilted into staying for your dog's last breath'

Social media videos are guilting dog owners into watching their animals being euthanised, according to a vet. But what are the truths around one of the most difficult decisions a pet owner will ever have to make?

Take a look at the thank-you cards that adorn the walls of your local veterinary practice and you might be surprised by the messages.

"The most thanks will not be from the owners of pets you have saved," says Dr Kiah Weeks-Bell. "The majority of the cards I receive are from the owners of pets whose lives I've ended peacefully.

"For vets, it is important animals get a good death – that's exactly what euthanasia means."

Weeks-Bell, a veterinary surgeon at Medivet & Partners Swanland in East Yorkshire, wants to promote an honest dialogue about pet euthanasia – a topic often hijacked by social media content creators for clicks, she says.

"I keep seeing this video that tells viewers that 90% of dog owners won't be there at the end," she says. "It angers me every time it appears.

"I can tell you that number has been pulled out of a large animal's rectum. If anything, it's the opposite – most people decide to be there."

But that is not to say they should be expected to, she adds.

Weeks-Bell, who qualified from the Royal Veterinary College in London in 2016, is clear: a vet rarely judges an owner.

"The only time I will judge someone is when an animal has been abused or deliberately neglected," she says.

Weeks-Bell encounters a full spectrum of reactions when she asks if an owner wants to be present when a pet is put to sleep.

"Some owners say, 'Oh my god, I would never leave them'. Some might be a little unsure and ask me to talk through the procedure. Others will say that they feel they just can't be there – and that's fine.

"Most people care about their animals. Unfortunately, I think some people feel they will be judged by the vet if they decide not to be there.

"But they really should not be guilted or bullied into being there because of what they've seen on social media or what they think is the right thing to do."

Weeks-Bell believes the pressure comes from other dog owners and social media.

"For us, it's about supporting owners and making the procedure as smooth and as least traumatic as we can for the owner and the pet," she says.

A multitude of factors need to be considered when deciding whether or not to be present when a pet is euthanised.

"It all depends on that individual and the animal in question. Some owners feel they are able to keep it together and provide comfort for the animal. But others simply feel they can't. If it's not right for that person, it's not right. They really shouldn't be judged for their decision," she says.

"The owner may have mental health challenges. They may have recently lost a family member. It might be a man who feels he can't cry for his dog in front of others. There are so many possible factors."

Kim Hepple runs Pet Respect, a Hull-based charity that sends dogs into schools to educate young people about responsible ownership.

Two of her pets have been put to sleep due to illness.

"It's very upsetting," says Hepple. "Whether or not to be there is a personal choice, [although] personally I could not have walked away from them.

"No doubt people will have their reasons for not wanting to be there. This needs to be respected."

Some social media videos seen by the BBC seek to penetrate deep into the soul, even suggesting dogs' eyes will dart around the consultation room, searching frantically for their beloved owner.

"This is nonsense," says Weeks-Bell. "I have never encountered this [type of animal behaviour], and other vets will no doubt tell you the same."

Dawn Murray, a pet grief counsellor and author, says she has challenged the creators of such videos as well as those who share them.

"I've had a lot of abuse for it," she says. "These videos make my blood boil. They don't understand the harm they cause. It's not fair guilt-tripping people.

"Dogs aren't looking around for their owners, as vets say. Before they're sedated, they might be in discomfort because of their condition or they're looking to sleep."

Murray says she has had clients who "would have done anything to be there at the end", but could not be there for either practical or emotional reasons.

"I have been there when pets have been put to sleep when their owners could not have been," she adds. "The love and care shown by the vet and nurses has always been second to none."

Putting an animal to sleep is a "very peaceful process", Weeks-Bell insists, with the pet first administered sedation, which can "feel like a little bee sting".

"The animal is then given an overdose of what is a very old anaesthetic, which stops the heart," she says.

"If an owner isn't present during the procedure, I will be stroking the animal, telling them they are loved and that they're a good dog."

How do vets deal with the reality of putting animals to sleep?

"I see it as a gift," says Weeks-Bell. "Being a vet is about medicine, not magic. We cannot fix everything. Putting an animal to sleep is a type of treatment. Sometimes it is the only definitive way to relieve suffering."

She says it is now common for vets to offer grieving owners a clipping of fur and prints – one final reminder of a lifetime of love.

She says good communication is extremely important – especially when entire families wish to be present at the end of a life.

"The vast majority of owners choose not to have children present," she says. "But some do, and that's fine. I recently had a child attend. I made sure to explain every step of the process so the child understood and asked if they had any questions.

"Afterwards, I obtained some paw prints from their dog to give to them when the child came and gave me a big hug to say thank you. That means everything."

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