9/11: I want my dad to be remembered as the hero he was

Ever since he was a young boy and his father relocated to the USA, Godwin Forde had dreamt of living there too.

In September 2001, he was finally old enough to fly out on his own and visit his dad, Godwin Forde senior, and make plans to finish school in the States.

He never got the chance.

His father was one of 67 British people who died in the deadly al-Qaeda attack on the World Trade Centre on September 11, 2001.

Godwin's sister Charlene, then 19 years old, had just moved to live in New York with her dad a week before.

Instead of the happy family reunion they'd always imagined, Godwin's first trip to the US was spent searching New York in vain for the father he'd waited years to reconnect with.

On the day of the attacks, Godwin recalled that he had just returned from school and was planning to go out with his friends, when his foster mum asked him to stay in and wait for a phone call from his sister.

"I took a seat, the news was on, and you could see all the images," he recalled.

Godwin, who is from north-west London, felt uneasy because his dad and sister were living in New York, but as he wasn't aware his father was working in one of the twin towers, he had no reason to be unduly concerned.

Godwin senior worked in security, and had previously worked at Fox News and on the David Letterman show.

He was a fairly well-known figure, often spotted in the background of TV programmes, once reportedly even making a cameo appearance on the FX TV Show Breakfast Time.

But unknown to Godwin junior, he'd recently been promoted to head up a security team on one of the upper floors of the South Tower at the World Trade Centre.

When his sister Charlene rang from New York, she was worried.

"She was explaining that, she hadn't heard from Dad yet. No-one had seen him, and no-one else had heard from him.

"At that point, I just wanted to get to her, to make sure she was OK," explained Forde.

"It was a waiting game."

Godwin flew over to New York two weeks later, and the teenagers searched for their father together, putting up posters, ringing helplines, heading to the pier where there were camps of people anxiously waiting for news of relatives.

They were mostly alone, with some help from the Red Cross.

It wasn't until the end of October that year that they got confirmation that their father hadn't survived.

"We finally got the death certificate. We had to plan a memorial. We couldn't even plan a funeral. We had no body, no belongings."

The siblings eventually heard two stories about what might have happened to their dad.

One of them came from a colleague who was with him at the time when the attacks happened, and she had made it out.

Godwin had the chance to speak to her.

"They used to call him Mr G, she told me. He told her to go and find her way out, but he said he needed to stay to clear everyone and anyone else he could find."

There was also another version of the story.

"One story I heard was that he'd made it out, heard more people were inside so he ran back in, and that's when the building collapsed. But then the other story was that he didn't actually come out at all, and he stayed in, ferrying whoever he could to the exits.

"Either way, both stories are heroic however you look at it."

Since Godwin Forde's death, nothing for his son has been the same.

"I didn't manage to move to the States. That plan got completely derailed. Other goals I had at the time also changed."

What happens for him on September 11th each year, when images of the attacks fill our screens?

"I normally leave the country for a month if possible, and kind of disappear off the grid," he says.

"This year I'm here, and I'm kind of just going through the motions, really."

It's hard to explain to anyone what he has suffered and what he is still suffering, because who else can really understand?

"There is only a select few people who know. It's not something I discuss," he explains.

"Something like this you can never get used to. Having someone taken away like that, you never really get over it."

For Godwin there are still mixed emotions about what happened.

There is undoubtedly a sense of deep pride and love for his father.

There is the grief and sadness.

But there are conflicting emotions too.

"There are times when you do get upset and angry at him based on the fact that we are here, and he could have come home.

"But at the same time I do understand that he did his duty and I feel like I would have probably done the same thing."

Godwin would like his father to be remembered as the "hero that he was".

"Someone that would literally go out of his way for anyone," says Godwin.

"I would be lucky if I could be just half of what he was."

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