'I was not living a normal life, I was surviving'

A woman says she survived a nine-year relationship with her abusive ex-partner by shrinking herself "as small as I possibly could to fit in line with his rules".

Darren Kingscott, 54, of no fixed abode, was convicted of one count of engaging in controlling/coercive behaviour in an intimate relationship on 22 October.

Tashya told the BBC she had lost "every singe bit of confidence she had in herself", and even contemplated ending her own life to escape the daily torment.

At Gloucester Crown Court earlier, Judge Richard Mawhinney sentenced him to 20 months in prison, suspended for 18 months, along with a five-year restraining order.

Kingscott was also ordered to complete a 120-day alcohol abstinence and monitoring requirement, in addition to 100 hours of unpaid work.

In her victim impact statement to the court, Tashya said her "confidence, independence and sense of safety were taken" and the "psychological injuries" had "not healed".

The couple first got together in 2016 after meeting at a pub in Gloucestershire, during what Tashya described as a "vulnerable" time in her life as a single mother.

This meant initial "red flags" in his behaviour, namely aggression and verbal abuse while drinking, were overlooked at the time, she says.

But Tashya said his behaviour "changed significantly" when, within the first year of dating, he moved into the home she owned and began to exert more control.

"None of us could keep up with any of his demands," she said, adding her two children spent most of their time hidden away in their bedrooms out of fear.

"Everybody has arguments, but it's more that 'scared to go home, scared for him to walk through the door' feeling.

"I shrunk myself to be as small as I possibly could to fit in line with his rules, to try to keep myself and my children safe. I was not living a normal life, I was surviving."

The court heard Kingscott also convinced Tashya to sell her family home, which she had put all of her money into, so that he could be a homeowner.

Once he was in "his castle", Tashya said his threatening behaviour escalated further.

"Ultimately, I was going to take my own life, and I shared that with my children," she said.

She said "rightly or wrongly", telling them about how she was feeling "was probably the best thing I did, because my children helped me make the right choice in fleeing at that point".

The pair ended their relationship in 2024 after the family moved into a safe shelter for domestic abuse survivors. There has been no contact between the pair since.

"I still live with anxiety and nightmares," Tashya told the BBC. "I wake up in the middle of the night, vomiting. I still hear his voice every day."

She also had to leave her job, explaining it was another part of her life that she "was forced to give up because of the impact of what had happened".

"Coercive control changed the way I lived and the way I thought," she said.

"I learned to anticipate danger. I learned to be careful. I learned to live with fear. Even now, part of me remains on high alert.

"There is no way for me to get these years back for my [children] or undo the fear they experienced, but I am trying to rebuild."

In mitigation, the judge acknowledged "impressive" character references from Kingscott's new family and employer, "which either show a different side to your character or a changed man, I don't know which".

Tashya now hopes her story can raise awareness of coercive and controlling behaviour, and perhaps help other victims to recognise the warning signs.

"Out there, there is someone else living exactly how I was living, to the point they feel the only way out is to end their life," she added.

"It's not easy to go to court, but it is empowering. You are listened to, you are given care and respect and if you tell your story, the judges will see the truth."

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