I refuse to feel ashamed of my genital herpes diagnosis

In her early 20s, Melys Edwards rarely left the house without a pair of sunglasses.

Not because it was sunny, but because she was ashamed.

"I just didn't want people to see me," the 29-year-old said.

Health experts say that for many people, the psychological impact of a genital herpes diagnosis - which is treatable but not curable - can be even greater than the physical symptoms.

In England official figures show new cases of genital herpes are increasing, with nearly 29,000 people diagnosed in 2025 - a 3% rise on the previous year.

In Wales, Public Health Wales recorded 913 first episode diagnoses in 2025, down from 1,321 the previous year - although they warned the figures should be interpreted cautiously because of incomplete clinical data from Cardiff and Vale University Health Board.

For Melys, from Wrexham, the physical pain of her first outbreak was intolerable.

"When I first got it, it was horrendous... the worst pain ever," she said.

The yoga teacher and digital content creator believes she caught it through having unprotected sex with someone who knew he had genital herpes, but didn't tell her.

Her diagnosis triggered grief, anger and denial.

She described feeling "detached" from herself, not trusting her own judgement any more.

"My whole life changed in that moment," Melys said.

Her first instinct was to search online but instead of reassurance, she found frightening headlines describing a lifelong infection, warnings about relationships and worst-case scenarios.

"I was reading things like, 'your life will never be the same again'."

"All of these extreme things that I had to process."

Melys also struggled with relationships.

She said she became attached to the first person who accepted her diagnosis because she feared nobody else would, and was "ghosted" by someone else after she told him she had herpes.

She remembers telling a man she met while travelling about her diagnosis before they met for a cup of tea.

"He said he had great respect for me for being so open," she said.

"But then he said he didn't think we would meet again.

"And I was thinking, you don't catch it from having a cuppa."

Over time, Melys said she began to realise her genital herpes diagnosis didn't define her.

In February 2026 she featured on Wales' answer to Love Island, Amour & Mynydd (Love and Mountain).

Recently she started using her social media platforms to raise awareness of genital herpes.

The more openly she spoke about it, the more she realised how many other people were quietly living with it too.

"Instead of hiding in shame like I did when wearing the sunglasses for so long, I was like no I'm not going to do that," she said.

"I wrote a performance piece because that really helped me feel empowered, and then I posted that and I had a few people speak to me afterwards.

"A local bouncer came up to me and said, 'I've got it. Respect'."

Melys said her openness has also brought online abuse and misogynistic comments blaming her for contracting the virus, but speaking out about it is important to her.

"Hardly anyone speaks about having herpes," she said.

"When I first got it, there was almost nothing online except scary Google searches and Reddit posts.

"So if I can be that person that I needed back then, then something good has come from it."

Marian Nicholson, director of the Herpes Viruses Association, has lived with herpes for more than three decades and said public understanding had failed to keep pace with medical knowledge.

"There is an awful lot of unnecessary fear," she said.

She said she believesstigma dating back to public health campaigns in the 1980s continues to shape attitudes today.

"People think it's a punishment - it isn't."

She said many people were unaware that cold sores and genital herpes are caused by the herpes simplex virus, and that oral sex is a common route of transmission.

"The virus doesn't know where it is. If somebody has a cold sore and gives oral sex, the virus can be passed to the genitals."

She said genital herpes is a manageable skin condition for most people.

Many people never develop symptoms at all, while those in recurrent outbreaks can often control them with antiviral medication and lifestyle changes.

"Only one person in three is going to notice that they've caught it. Two out of three people catch it so mildly they just don't realise."

Dr Olwen Williams, chair of HIV charity Fast Track Cymru and a former consultant in sexual health and HIV, said people with genital herpes should be able to have sexual relationships, but that they are advised not to have sex while they are having an active attack.

She said: "Actually it's quite uncomfortable to have sex at that point, but also there is a risk of onward transmission due to the shedding of the virus then."

Doctors believe the true number of people living with genital herpes could be much higher than statistics suggest.

Although home testing is possible for some STIs in Wales, they do not test for genital herpes. This needs to be done in a sexual health clinic.

Williams said many people never seek testing, while others miss the short window needed for the most accurate diagnosis.

"We know there's probably under-reporting," she said.

"A lot of people who have the virus will never have gone to have a test and for some people the tests will come back negative even though they have the virus."

She said people should seek medical advice as soon as symptoms appear because swab testing is most effective within about 48 hours, but added that accessing clinics was a challenge.

"What we haven't seen is any increased investment or expansion of the actual physical capacity within clinics," she said.

"We have a growing population requiring services and they're having delays accessing them."

The Welsh government said preventing ill-health was "a key priority" and that it had appointed a Minister for Public and Preventative Health.

A spokesperson added: "We are assessing our population needs in relation to the prevention, testing and treatment of STIs and HIV to improve sexual health services across Wales."