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Bulging, fluorescent and almost frightening to look at. Not Jordan…spots. All over your once-sweet mush. It's enough to make you quit school and become a terrorist, just for the free balaclava.

But hiding is for sissies. Here's how to face zits like a man…

What is a zit?

Without getting too technical, pretty much everyone from 13-upwards gets spots due to hormonal gubbins (namely increased levels of testosterone). Some get off lightly, others resemble a moon landing site. And it's not just the face. The neck, back and chest are other trendy zit hangouts.

Be clean

Wash your face twice a day, but be careful what you use. Strong chemical soaps can irritate the skin and make spots even worse. Don't scrub your face, pat it - like a puppy. And don't overwash.

A simple hot, clean flannel (without soap) is good for keeping pores clear. Tea tree oil is great for dabbing on individual spots.

Be smooth

Even boys can moisturise. It's simply good for keeping your skin, erm, moist (i.e. not dry, flaky or shiny). Use oil-free, water-based creams or you can make spots worse. Look for ones labelled 'non-comedogenic'.

Pus pass

The only good thing about spots is squeezing them. But choose your victims carefully. Headless red ones must be left alone, they could scar. If it's yellow and blob-like and basically gagging for it, pop away. But be sure to stop squeezing as soon as the gunk has gone.

Spot of bother

If your acne is severe, a doctor can give you antibiotics. But there's rarely a quick fix; it may take months before things start to improve. In the meantime, you just need to keep that spotty chin up.

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Copy by Kevin Darling