Anna and Steve are a married couple who live in London. In 2021, the two doctors adopted Alfie, then aged two.
Alfie has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), a lifelong condition caused by a birth mother’s exposure to alcohol during pregnancy.
FASD can affect a child’s attention, behaviour, learning, emotional regulation and sometimes their physical health and appearance, although its features vary between individuals.
Research suggests that around 2 to 4 per cent of children may have FASD.
About a quarter of children who are fostered or adopted are thought to have the condition, although many young people are not diagnosed.
Anna and Steve spoke to us about the joys and challenges of parenting Alfie, now aged 7, alongside their birth children, two boys and a girl aged 15, 14 and 12.
Names in this article have been changed.
What was your motivation to adopt?
Anna:
“[During the pandemic in 2021] we were having a lot of family time at home and enjoyed being together.
It felt as though we had the opportunity to give a gift to somebody who needed it.”
Steve:
“We're both Christian and we'd read a book about Christianity, fostering and adoption. I found it very moving.
We didn't know much about adoption or fostering, but we felt it was something we should look into.
We discussed it with the kids and they were really keen.
So we learned more about adoption and approached PACT (Parents and Children Together), to begin the process.
We wanted to take in a child who would fit in with our family life, and one that wouldn't find it easy to be adopted otherwise.“
How did you come to adopt Alfie?
Anna:
“What we understood about Alfie [prior to his adoption] was that he's very sociable, he loves music, the outdoors, playing with a football and we thought, “actually these are the things that our other children love, and that we can all enjoy together.”"
Alfie had been waiting a long time for placement. Anna and Steve had an initial meeting with him called a ‘chemistry meeting’ – which went well.
When the adoption began, it took a while for him to get fully settled.
Steve:
“The first few months were very hard for Alfie. It was like a bereavement for him because he'd been very well established with his foster parents. He would be sad quite a lot.
He's really settled now. But it took a long time.”
We thought, "these are the things that our other children love, and that we can all enjoy together.”
What did you know about FASD prior to adopting?
When Anna and Steve found out that Alfie has FASD through his adoption profile, they began looking into the condition.
Anna:
“We realised it's quite unusual for a child to get a diagnosis of FASD at birth. Many children in the country that have FASD may never be diagnosed or they might have been misdiagnosed, or it might not be picked up until a much later stage, whereas Alfie had that label with him from the start.”
Steve:
“A lot of the stuff that's written about FASD sounds quite challenging, it’s a bit stigmatised.
We wanted to provide a stable and loving environment that would be good for Alfie.
A label can be useful [for example to gain extra support at school] but it's nice to be able to see beyond the medicalisation of those terms too.
Ultimately, he's just a little boy isn’t he?”
How would you describe Alfie?
Anna:
“He's a lot of fun! Alfie loves animals, David Attenborough, 'Deadly 60'. He’s very physical. We could take him up mountains and he doesn't tire. We've not managed to find the bottom of his energy yet. He's a little ray of sunshine."
Steve:
"Alfie has an insatiable curiosity! He is interested in everything. He loves museums, travel, climbing mountains, looking at his atlas, reading animal picture books. He’s excitable, he’s fun, he needs a bit of help with solving problems but we can help him with that.”
Alfie has an insatiable curiosity.
What have the challenges been?
At school, Alfie has a statement to support him, called an EHC Plan - an Education, Health and Care plan for children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities.
Steve:
“Alfie’s going at a slower pace. He's got some learning difficulties, for example he takes a lot of time to learn times tables and spellings. We're able to support him with that.”
Anna:
“The challenges are for us to go at his pace and to engage him - and to slow ourselves down to match where he's at.
I think another challenge is settling the squabbles and fights that happen in the house.
He's incredibly reactive, so if somebody teases him, he will get drawn into that. Probably all children would do that, but I think it's easier to wind Alfie up. He’s a bit more impulsive.”
The challenges are for us to go at his pace and to engage him.
How do Alfie and his siblings get on together?
Steve:
“With our daughter and Alfie - there's a lot of sibling rivalry and constant little arguments. They get on and there’s times when they just wind each other up. To be honest, it feels like a classic sibling relationship!
I would say it's been very good for the three kids. I think it's really helped develop their compassion and their concern for others.”
Anna:
“It's really good for them to have the opportunity to have someone else in their life who needs care and an extra level of support.
They're fiercely protective of him.
They’re really sweet together, really close.”
It's really helped develop their compassion and their concern for others.
What are your hopes for Alfie in the future?
Steve:
“He's very sociable and friendly, and hardworking. So I think he'll be able to work. I think he'll be able to live independently, with help from us and his siblings.
I think he's fortunate that we've got a big extended family, so he'll always have lots of people watching out for him. “
Anna:
“He knows that he's adopted. We've got lots of photographs of his birth family, and emails and letters to and from both his parents.
At some point in his future, he's going to have to try to make sense of that aspect of his life as well. I think we will need to support him through that."
Alfie’s made a lot of progress since being adopted five years ago.
Steve:
He's reading simple books. He can do his basic times tables. He's very open, keen to chat. I think he's grown in confidence a lot. He had few words when he first came to us. He didn't talk and had a big language delay.
Anna:
He's caught up amazingly with his language. He's doing well. He's in mainstream school, keeping up.”
I think he's grown in confidence a lot.
What have the rewards of adoption been?
Anna:
“It gives you a sense that you've done something of benefit. I like to think that there's one less child in the care system than there would have been. And more than that, we’ve added Alfie to our family. He is affectionate, kind, affirming. Alfie regularly says to me, "Mum, you’re the best" or "you’re wonderful Mum." I find that amazing.”
Steve:
“He's very securely attached now. He knows exactly who he is. When he's got triumphs, he comes and tells us about them. When he's upset, he comes and tells us about it.
Of course you have to be open-eyed: there's difficult things about adoption generally, and to some extent about caring for people with disability.
But, there's just tremendous rewards and it's just the best thing we've done - a really fantastic thing for us and for our family.”
It's just the best thing we've done.
Find out more about National Adoption Week 2026.
The BBC Action Line has information and support about adoption and fostering.
