The films cover:
- the feelings a child may experience when grieving for a parent
- some ideas that may help a child deal with a difficult situation like this
The first film looks at Elis’s life after losing his mother, and some of the feelings and emotions he experiences at different times. The second film suggests some ideas for friends who are trying to support someone going through this kind of experience.
Themes: grief; loss of a parent; coping with major change; resilience; recognising feelings; knowing yourself.
Elis's story: Film 1
It’s been really hard since losing Mum. Everything’s different now, even the small things, like getting ready in the morning.
Non’s only six, so I’ve got to help Dad get her dressed and get her to eat her breakfast and stuff like that.
Sometimes after school too. If Dad has to work or do things around the house, I have to play with Non.
I never had to worry about things like that when Mum was here.
School hasn’t been easy either. One of the boys said, “I wouldn’t be able to cope without my mum.”
I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without her either, but it’s not like I have a choice.
I’ve been going over to Twm’s sometimes, just to play football or go on the computer.
It’s been nice to do something different and not think about what’s happened.
Sometimes I feel guilty if I forget for a bit and have a laugh with Twm. But the counsellor said it’s a good thing and I shouldn’t feel guilty.
The thing is I never really know how I’m going to feel.
Like the other day, when I had hockey, Dad forgot to pack my gumshield which meant I couldn’t play. I was so, so angry. I threw my bag and kicked the locker really hard.
I was angry with my dad for messing up and angry with myself for not checking, but more than anything, I was so angry with Mum for not being here anymore. She wouldn’t have forgotten.
Non talks about Mum all the time. I know she’s only little, but sometimes I get angry with her when she mentions Mum.
But Dad and I talked about it, and he said it’s normal for people to deal with things in different ways.
Maybe Non needs to talk about Mum, and maybe that’s harder for me, and that’s okay too.
We’ve started doing some new things, like on Tuesdays, the three of us go swimming and then go for pizza. It’s nice to do things like that together, and keep busy.
But I miss Mum every day. Some days, I miss her so much, it just hurts and I don’t want to do anything.
But I know I can talk to Dad or Twm, or the counsellor if I want to. I always feel a bit better after talking to someone.
These last few months have been so hard and it’s still hard.
I know things will never be the same again but some days now, I’m starting to feel a little bit better.
Elis's story: Film 2
If someone close to your friend dies, it can be really hard to know what to do.
You might feel like you don’t know how to help, or be afraid that you’ll say the wrong thing.
But even though it’s difficult, your friend probably really needs you right now, and there are things you can do to support them.
There’s no way of telling how your friend might be feeling. Everyone behaves differently when someone close to them dies.
They might want to talk about what’s happened, or that might be too difficult right now. And that’s fine too.
You could tell them that you’re there for them, and that you’ll be ready to listen if they feel like they want to talk. Or, there might be an opportunity when it’s just the two of you, and you could ask them how they’re feeling.
If your friend does want to talk, don’t forget that they won’t expect you to be able to make their problems go away. Just by being there and listening, you are helping.
It’s natural too, for you to want to know exactly what happened. You might be worried that something like this could happen to someone you love.
But it could be difficult for your friend to talk about that, so try to ask someone else about it, if you can. Your mum or dad, maybe, or an older brother or sister.
You might notice that your friend doesn’t seem quite like themselves or that they’re behaving in an unpredictable way.
Perhaps they’re not answering your messages, or they cancel on you last minute.
Try to be patient, and don’t forget that they’re dealing with something really difficult at the moment.
Stay in touch and keep inviting them to things. Think about what you used to enjoy doing together. Going for bike rides, playing computer games… Why not arrange to do those things again soon?
It’s possible your friend feels like everyone is acting differently around them, and they might really appreciate it if you suggest doing something normal together.
Dealing with losing someone takes time and it can change over time too.
Your friend might be going through a range of emotions. They might be in shock to begin with, or they might feel really angry at times. And other times, they might just feel numb.
Grief is the word for the intense sadness we feel after someone dies. Sometimes the longing and the grief will be overwhelming for your friend.
But over time, some days will be easier. Try and be there for your friend during this difficult period.
Just by doing a few small things, you can be a big help.
Possible activities
Activity 1 - Recognising emotions
(Health and Well-being; Languages, Literacy and Communication)
Pupils could be asked to work with a partner to identify the range of emotions Elis experiences during the film. They could then write down each emotion on a separate piece of card. Examples could include: anger; guilt; rage; sadness; longing.
Pupils could be asked to choose three of these ‘emotion cards’ and write (or discuss with a partner) when and why Elis experienced this feeling.
Then, in pairs, pupils could turn the emotion cards face down on the table, and take turns selecting one at random. After selecting a card, they could discuss the following:
- Have they ever experienced this emotion? Was that due to losing someone or perhaps because of something else?
- How long did that feeling last?
- What happened afterwards – how did the feeling go away?
Activity 2 - Dealing with grief: 'five steps'
(Health and Well-being; Languages, Literacy and Communication; Science and Technology)
The idea/theory could be introduced that there are five different stages to grief:
shock 🠚 feeling angry 🠚 bargaining 🠚 sadness/depression 🠚 coming to accept the loss
It could be explained that it is entirely natural for someone to go through all of the above stages, but not necessarily in this order.
Pupils could be asked to create a digital mind map of the five stages of grief. They could use a different picture, emoji or colour to represent the different stages.
Pupils could be asked to match some of the emotions Elis experiences in the film with the different stages of grief.
For example:
- Feeling angry: Elis gets angry before the hockey game and throws his bag and kicks his locker.
- Depression: Some days he doesn’t want to do anything.
- Acceptance: The family has started going swimming together.
Activity 3 - Art and emotion
(Health and Well-being; Expressive Arts)
Pupils could be invited to create a series of artworks to express their feelings.
- On the first page, they could be asked to use a pen or pencil and create an abstract drawing using lines and shading to convey a feeling of their choice. A time limit of a minute or two could be set to complete the task.
- On the second page, they could be asked to think about the colour(s) and shape(s) that they think represent an emotion, and use these to create a drawing. Again, a time limit of a minute or two could be set to complete the task.
- Pupils could be asked to research artists who use art to convey feeling and emotion. How does the artist do that – what technique(s) are used? Is there a local artist who works in this way?
- The pupils could be asked to create a piece of artwork inspired by the work of the artist they have researched.
Activity 4 - Supporting a friend who is grieving
(Health and Well-being; Languages, Literacy and Communication)
Pupils could be asked to work in pairs to think of five ways they could supporting a friend who is greiving. For example:
- being there to talk if the friend wants to do so
- supporting the friend by listening
- being patient with the friend
- contacting them regularly
- arranging to do something together.
Once the list is complete, individually pupils could be asked to rank the ideas in the list from the most useful to the least useful in their opinion. They could be asked to compare their answers with other group members and consider the following questions:
- Was there a difference of opinion on which ideas were the most / least useful?
- Why do the ways in which people like to be supported vary?
Curriculum links
Health and Well-being
I can independently focus attention on my perceptions, thoughts and feelings in order to further develop my self-awareness.
I can reflect and learn from the past in order to anticipate and prepare myself and others for future experiences.
I can empathise with others and understand the value of demonstrating this through actions which are compassionate and kind.
Language, Literacy and Communication
I can understand and analyse general meaning and implied ideas.
I can listen empathetically to different people’s viewpoints on various subjects, using them to arrive at my own conclusions.
Science and Technology
- I can use a variety of design communication methods and techniques to develop and present ideas clearly, and can respond constructively to feedback.
Expressive Arts
I can evaluate the effectiveness of a wide range of artistic techniques in producing meaning.
I can use my experimentation and investigation to manipulate creative work with purpose and intent when communicating my ideas.
Where next?
Eva's story. video
Eva finds it difficult to say 'no' to her friends - but will this mean she'll have to miss out on a special trip to Cardiff with the gymnastics team? What will Eva choose to do? How can she make better decisions from now on?
Jay's story. video
Jay feels very tired all the time. He spends a lot of his time playing on his phone and computer. Things can't carry on like this – how can Jay get things under control?
Kareem's story. video
Kareem feels really bad about the way he looks – mainly because of the pictures of perfect people he sees online. How can he change the way he feels about his body?
