Get it all off, Dave!

What about Seaman's hair?

Well I caught a bit of the Arsenal game and there didn't appear to be much difference really.

No, it's just a shorter pony-tail, isn't it?

Yes, it's the pony-tail that's the problem, Dave - you still look like a little girl with a tache.

Some people might find that attractive - but me, I'm not into that.

No, me neither.

So I don't know what all the big song and dance was about - he should just have a really short crop.

And it didn't do him much good because they lost 2-1 for the fourth time in a row.

That's right. I thought he'd be helped by the fact that the pony-tail wasn't swishing in his eyes at corners.

Now I don't want to be sounding like a Gooners sympathiser, but they seem to be losing to a whole stack of spawny goals or wonder goals - one or the other.

Arsenal have been a bit unlucky

Well they've had their run, so maybe things are evening themselves out.

Very quickly to another big story, what are your thoughts on the player said to have tested positive for nandrolone?

Well I hope whoever the culprit is, the BBC are allowed to say his name!

As long as it's no-one from QPR, I don't mind.

Well of course Seaman was from QPR. Do all your fans have pony-tails?

Er, no!

Well I wonder where he got it from then? It looks terrible!

Who knows? Anyway the first question this week is about cricket and it comes from Chris in London.

He says: Robbo, what do you think about Mark Waugh's retirement from the Test arena?

It's obviously had a positive effect on the England side, who are running into form at just the right time - especially Nasser Hussain.

Well the fact that Hussain got a century and everyone else got 20-odd hardly says to me that we're coming into form.

Happy Christmas, Waugh is over

I suppose it is when you compare it to getting nowt, but we had to do something. It's not like we're pulling all the stops out and scaring Australia half to death.

Mark Waugh - well I think it just goes to show that the Aussie selectors haven't got a sentimental bone in their body.

It's not as if they couldn't carry him as a passenger for the rest of the series - in fact I was rather hoping they would 'cos I'm sure we could have got him out for under 10 a few times.

But no, these selectors are a bunch of reptiles - cold-blooded and cold-eyed. They've just gone "Go on son, you're on your way, Mr Most Elegant Batsman Of Your Generation".

He must have copyrighted that one. Glenn McGrath copyrighted Metronomic Beanpole, and Waugh's got Most Elegant Batsman Of My Generation.

He must have it tattooed on his forearms.

So you think it's bad news for England that he's out? Do you think we'd have stood a better chance if he was in?

Well it is bad news. But fortunately they haven't picked some whipper-snapper from Tasmania who nobody's ever heard of.

"He's got a bit of potential," they'd say, just before he goes and scores a double hundred on his debut.

Then we'd say "Why haven't we got one like that?"

Thankfully they've got an old lag in Lehman playing instead - not that it'll make much difference, they're still going to tonk us all over the place.

I'm afraid you're right. Next one comes from The Stretford End, Manchester and reads: How about it then Robbo?

Diego Forlan scored the best header ever on Saturday and he's going to get 15 goals by the end of the season! Diego Forlan is a class act, just wait till we play you this season!

One down, 14 to go

And the sender calls him or herself I Love Diego Forlan.

Oh dear - you haven't changed your name to that have you? Because it'll cost you a lot to change it back you know.

Fifteen goals by the end of the season, how's that going to happen? Are they going to make the goals bigger?

Is it going to be like netball where the referee blows a whistle before you shoot and you step back a couple of paces?

The only reason your team's suffering this season is because when Van Nistelrooy's out you have to play someone who looks and plays like an Australian beach bum up front.

It was a good header, but he's missed more chances than Luther Blissett. And Luther was a master of shinning it over the bar from two yards.

Luther Miss-it they used to call him.

Yeah, very good, I like that. But they've gone all soft in the head the Man United fans. When it was Garry Birtles missing all those chances they wouldn't give him the time of day.

Now it's Diego with his funny hair and his pointy nose, they just seem to allow him to be crap week after week.

I'll join Middlesbrough!

I think they should get rid of him - give him to, er, Boro - we'll have him!

Apparently you're after Jeffers.

Yeah, we'll have him 'n' all - another ugly front lad.

Next up is baseball and this from Edward in the UK: The World Series was named by the New York World, which was Joseph Pullitzer's newspaper

It was, I believe, the sponsor of the first World Series in 1888, won by the now-defunct Providence Greys. It was never intended to signify world-spanning domination.

Well thank you very much, Edward. Once again you say something in passing and some know-all writes in.

God Bless America

Well all I can say is even if that's why it was called that originally, they don't seem to be in any hurry to change it.

They haven't thought, hmm that sounds a bit grandiose, that sounds like there's no other country in the world apart from America, maybe we should change the name.

They still call it the World Series because half of Americans think if they sail east or west they're going to get swallowed up by sea monsters.

I take your point, Edward, but I reckon they could call it the US National Baseball Championships quite happily and no-one would argue.

Providence Greys, though - sounds like something Mulder and Scully might stumble across.

OK, we've got sailing now - the questions are very diverse today.

This one comes from Nobby in Hong Kong.

Oh ai?! Nobby and farting, two things to laugh at that you'll never grow out of, lad.

Let's try model boats

Indeed. Anyway, Nobby says: Robbo - what are your proposals for making Americas Cup sailing a more interesting spectator sport for the masses?

As present, it represents an esoteric diversion for gin soaked yahoos with too much time on their hands.

I think they should just keep drinking the gin while they're out there.

Or how about making the boats a bit smaller, give the skippers some remote controls and a duck pond and they can get on with it.

You could change the venues - first year Ackland Park, second year Hyde Park, you know move it around a bit.

But I agree with Nobby - it is just one of those millionaire playground type things that has nothing to do with the real world.

Not your cup of tea then, Robbo?

No. And why is it called the Americas Cup, Edward - seeing as you seem to know everything about the world?

Is that because the Americas is the world? I mean it is the World Cup of billionaire boat owners isn't it?

Yes.

So why don't they just call it the World Cup?

Well, over to you Edward.

Yeah, he'll tell us. It's probably Mr Pullitzer's Spirit of America magazine that sponsored it or summat.

Finally, Debbie in Northern Ireland says: I can't believe what you're saying about Liverpool.

They deserve to be top of the league, they have got the results they need to be top without even playing at their best!

Liverpool? I'd rather be playing tennis

And if they can't score any goals, then how come they've already scored 20 this season which is more than even Man United, who are having a problem scoring!

Liverpool will win the title this season!They've waited too long!

What I've been saying is how come they've turned into George Graham's Arsenal.

Also, by the way, I've got a cousin called Debbie in Northern Ireland and if it is you, let us know how you're getting on. Are you OK?

Any road, what I'm fed up of hearing is how they've not been beaten, they've won so many games and they haven't played well yet.

I'm fed up of it because I get the impression Liverpool are going to win the league without playing very well, and it'll be the worst team ever to win the league.

So I'm getting very dispirited about the fact that they keep scraping 2-1s with Owen tap-ins in the last minute.

I hope it all comes off the rails for them because I think they're the dullest side in the league. Big squad dull team.

Well they certainly couldn't find a way past Valencia.

That's 'cos they're not good enough.

Well there you go, Debbie. If you are Robbo's cousin then or even if you're not, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say - as will you Edward.

Oh yes - if Edward wants a job as my reference librarian...

OK Robbo, well great speaking to you as always, have a good weekend.

OK, son - and you. QPR-Oldham wasn't so good last week was it?

No, I was there - it was pretty shocking and it's Port Vale away this weekend, so fingers crossed.

Are you going up there?

Not this time.

Will QPR be motoring?

I don't blame you! I'd rather crawl up me own backside quite frankly.

Well it shows how far we've fallen when our game in the first round of the FA Cup is away at Vauxhall Motors.

Is it really? Are you gonna drive?

No! See you then, Robbo.

Ta-ta,son.