The Christmas I grew up

Mrs Gwen V Boyd

It was Christmas morning. I was twelve years old and my stomach was in a knot. I lay asking myself why?

Daddy had brought home the Christmas tree from the local childrens party. He told us we were very lucky to have such a lovely tree. Being chairman and being the only one on the committee to have fairy lights had its benefit. He took off the lower branches and sawed a foot off the trunk to get it into the house and set it into the tub in the corner of the living room. Last night we had a lovely time decorating the tree. We made metallic silver icicles and concertinas to hang on the branches and reflect the glow from the brightly coloured fairy lights. Streamers of yellow and red crepe paper festooned the branches. Garlands were hung from the corners of the room to the centre light. In the grate the excess tree branches crackled and filled the room with the smell of pine. My brother and I hung up our socks on the mantelshelf and were then packed off to bed.

David was very excited. Hed asked for a Hornby Dublo train set. As it was very expensive he had been given a challenge by my dad. Hed to swim a breadth of the swimming pool by mid December and see what Christmas would bring. He was frightened of water and at first refused to try. However the school had started a swimming club and he decided to join. By the end of November he had succeeded in swimming the required distance and last night he had gone to bed full of anticipation. Id gone to bed dreading the morning and now it was here.

Why, oh why did I do it? Everything was spoiled.

I lay in bed and thought back to ten days before. Everyone was out and I was supposed to be doing homework. The perfect chance I thought to see if I could find where the Christmas presents were hidden. Not in the cupboard in the living room. Not in the cupboard in Mum and Dads bedroom what about the wardrobe?

There hidden among the coats at the back were carrier bags. I grabbed the first one and looked inside. Instead of a surge of pleasure as what Id asked for was there in the bag, I suddenly felt awful. I quickly pushed the carrier back and rearranged the coats closed the wardrobe door and rushed back to my room. What had I done? There was nothing to get excited about now. I was being given what Id really wanted but it was no longer a surprise.

Movement next door stirred me and I knew Id have to get up and pretend to be thrilled. I put on my dressing gown and reluctantly went into the living room. Mum and Dad were up and David was already pulling out the goodies from his sock. If only they knew what Id done they would have been so disappointed in me. I knelt down and emptied out my sock. Oo lovely, a Frys cream bar. I loved the strawberry cream best. There were some bubbles, a snowstorm, a squeaker, a tangerine and a shiny bright shilling. I looked up and grinned. So far so good. I had behaved as normal.

Mum handed me my present eyes shining. My heart sank. I knew she would have loved to have had a larger version for herself, but money was tight. Dad gave Keith his large box. He quickly tore the paper off with loud exclamations of Boyo boy, super.! Mum looked at me Well open yours. I smiled and lamely unwrapped the parcel. There nestling in the tissue paper was the bag, a real leather shoulder bag, brown and shiny like a conker: a grown-up bag, just as Id asked.

I rose and threw myself on Mum and gave her a big hug. Thank you, thank you very much, its lovely. I said.

My head snuggled into her shoulder so she could not see my guilt.