Scotlands Glory

William Kerr

My eyes open, I don`t realise where I am. The first thought in the real mind, in contrast to the drunken hangover mind is `Jesus, I cannot do this today`. I have said all week that I will not drink and walk, so far I have managed one night out of five. My eyes are still closed as if they are glued shut. I don`t try to prize my eye lids apart as I am content to lay here still fast asleep and awake.

No one is talking at breakfast; all I get is grunts. The feeling is more like sitting in your daddy's aunties than a hostel kitchen in Kinlochleven. Don't say anything, don't touch anything and speak only when you are spoken too. We are withdrawn from each other as if something terribly embarrassing had happened last night; I don't look at them or them at me.

My companions having already eaten are sitting about waiting for something to happen. Although everyone is quiet I know that this is not a morale issue like we faced on the morning leaving Ardlui, this is more of a `I had too much bloody drink last night and I could be doing with an other hour in the shawl` quietness.

I check my backpack; first aid kit, waterproofs, water and hip flask. I have extra weight to carry as I decide to take along my portable CD player. The Berriez, Braveheart and Wolfe Stone are considered an excellent choice in music for the walk at hand. This was always something I wanted to do. Sit on the top of a mountain and listen to some really good traditional music at full blast, that'll clear the head for sure so why not at the highest point of the West Highland Way, at the top of the Devils Staircase.

The climb starts, the hip flask is passed around and we all take a swig. My strategy is simple; take my time. If the others want to run, let them. I have all day to do this. In no time there is plenty of space or in this case height between the others and myself. One step at a time; the legs are coping with the added strain of the climb. Now all I want to think about are the problems that Dr. Ferry had warned me about a week earlier. There is no way I am going to take a heart attack. If I am going to die it won't be here, not today anyway.

I cannot believe I am thinking like this. I keep my right hand in my pocket, firmly grasping my rosary. If no one wants to talk to me well maybe the big yin above will keep me company and give me the legs and heart that I require to complete this morning's task. I take a break and turn around and realise I am about a third of the way up. The real climb, the zig zagging staircase is the final third. I stare up at it; I know I can do this. The rain is just beginning to threaten. I feel its drizzle beginning to spray my face. It is very welcoming.

I reach the final third, the start of the staircase itself. I stop and sit on a stone that will save me from the damp path and heather. For the first time today I really see what I have done and where I have walked the past couple of days. The view is stunning. Rannoch Moor with Buachaille Etive Mor and Buachaille Etive Beag, staring me in the face. It is all in perspective now, life and the elements. I think of why I am here, the fastballs life was flinging ten months earlier; I can catch them, or dodge them. Dodging is always easy, but it will come back and hit me right in the kisser. The breads landed jam side down again. So I got to deal with it properly, this was my chosen path, go and do something big, something charitable and challenging and thank God for all he has done. I take from my pocket the bookies pen I picked up in Milngavie and my map, the only paper I have and start to scribble my thoughts on where I am;

If I don't see tomorrow would it mean anything to me?

As I have walked through heaven on earth

There's nothing else I need to see

I have walked in his crowning glory

His jewel, Gods gift to me

Under the brow of Buchaille Etive Mor

This beautiful place,

His kingdom in its glory

No man will be poor who sees thi

Their life will be enriched

To see through the eyes of the eagle

To look down over this land

Is the purest feeling God gives me,

the pride in what I see.

Too place it in my heart, do I deserve

Only my soul is worthy

To accept what lies before my eye

Scotland's glory

For the first in a long time I feel that the bread has landed Jam side up. I would consider what I have done this week a bit of an epiphany, an awakening. There is a lot more to working twelve hour days, going home getting your dinner and falling asleep on the couch. This is mine; I have it to myself, a moment I will never forget. The past year rushes through my head' the death of my Mother, being made redundant and the choices faced at work, my sisters cancer diagnosis, coping with my dad who had a bigger loss than I could ever imagine, the doctor and the heart thing I know that's ok, no problem there.

Today was my reward; I am at home, a part of this great land. Sharing in its glory; feeling it beneath my feet and in my heart, all around me, surrounding me with a mood of greatness. I deserve these thoughts today.