Lost Innocence

Simon Rahman

I just found out some news adding to my already depressive state. Not good news. And I don't know if I can call it bad news. News about a girl. A girl I once knew, a girl I played with, a girl I grew up with, a girl who I shared memorable secrets with. That girl is a girl no more. She is a wife to a man - in Bangladesh. I'm sat in my chair watery eyed, staring at my mobile, slowly spinning around, visualising in my head the fun we both had when we were kids. Back then our smiles and laughter banished any evidence of problems that our Scottish culture was being over ridden by our Bangladeshi one.

What is even more sad for me is to realise the man she married is of no equal measure with her. It upset me deeply, for the description of her now new life long partner came from her very own text message. Why would her parents have her marry this man? Honour. Honour so her parents can better the bad taste left upon their dignity to the stance of their position amongst the community ever since her older sister Nargis married her lover. Honour is a big word, and an even bigger task for our parents. For us it's a disease that parents feel the need and right to conform to, even if that means upholding it above the natural actions of their children. They are blind. They cannot see the result of what they think they are doing is best for their children. Sometimes the response of their best is the result of an act put on by their children who have to play a burdened game, the drama behind the fake smiles and saris concealing the hearts true emotions from their gossiping, high expecting, high regarding Aunties and every other relative in between.

What will this man get in return? A beautiful, intelligent and loving wife? No. He's looking forward to his much anticipated wedding gift. A British passport. Edinburgh is no place for him. The gift is going to be used to move to London where he can fit in with his band of other wife scamming brothers. Bets of this happening have already been drawn up. The husband's insinuations said so.

That poor girl. It's easy to say she deserves better. But what is the best she can get?

Annoyance towards my parents' generations' over powering part is rife. But unchangeable. It was right back then. Now it's simply wrong. But for them it's neither wrong nor simple. The natural procession of society to move forward, for that so called know-it-all generation, is far more difficult compared with the ease of moving backwards.

I realise now how much we've all grown up. All things childhood reminisce in my head. We cut ties years ago, unintentionally since her family moved far far away. All good things change sadly when you're growing older. I remember those youthful days when we had no care or problems in the world, just happiness and fun.

Now reality hits. And it hurts. It's hard because in them childhood days you never think much of what you are doing in any situation, until you grow old and realise what you done in that generation were the best times of your life. Possible thoughts born back then of what we expected to be the beginning of better things to come, in actuality will never ever be over taken.

Never had I imagined opening a text message would shape my vision on love, life, and lost innocence.

I hope she can still smile. Or at least learn how to again.