Loss and Love

Anne Welsh

I'm an only child, and mum and dad had finally split up in 1983. Mum and I were pretty much a unit all of my life. She was a really strong-minded woman, and we had quite a firey relationship at times. I loved her.

On the Tuesday morning, I set off to work as usual, other than I had no husband to say goodbye to. Chris had headed off to India, with work, on the Sunday, so it was just me and my Cairn Terrier, Archie, at home. And as usual, I came home at lunchtime, to walk him. And that's when my world changed.

I was literally just in the door. I'd let Archie out of his pen, and was saying hallo, when the door bell rang. Laughing, I went to answer it, with Archie barking away, curious to know who it was. There was a policeman, and a policewoman at the door.

I knew as soon as I saw them, that something was wrong. A few weeks prior to that day, Chris had been involved in a car crash, and a policeman had come to get his statement. On his own. So seeing two people at my door, that wasn't good. My next thought was, 'Chris in India, or it's mum?'. That was one of the worst moments of my life. I was actually standing at the door, looking at them, trying to decide whose name I was going to hear them say. Mum or Chris? It was horrible.

So, I put Archie back in his pen, and opened the door. As they walked in, every bone in my body willed them to say 'There's nothing to worry about'. That's what the policeman had said, when he'd come to see Chris. 'Say it,' I kept repeating in my head. 'Say it. Why are you not saying it?'

And when they got into my living room, they explained why. Mum had been found in her bed that morning. She lived in sheltered accommodation, and it had been noted that she wasn't moving around. So they'd broken in, and there she was. Gone.

I don't really remember much more about them. They asked if they could get my husband for me. I said no, obviously he was in India. They asked if there was anyone else they could get for me. I couldn't think of anyone. I couldn't really think at all. So they left me

Then I moved into practical-mode. My address book, with all my contact numbers was back at school. I needed to get it.

I rushed into the office. Anne J looked up, smiling. She thought something had happened with Archie. But it hadn't. And I had to tell her. Poor Anne, it would have been such a shock to her. After a long hug, she ran to get Maureen, our head teacher. And Maureen was so good.

She hugged me, and let me sob. She knew how it felt; she'd lost both her parents earlier, and could identify with some of my feelings. She gave me comfort, and she also did my thinking for me. Who did I need to tell? What did I need to do?

Anne got on the phone to Chris' work, and gave them the sad news, to pass on to India. Maureen got in touch with Garry, one of my church pastors, and he came instantly.

He was amazing too. I've come to realise that it's at on days like this, you really find out who your friends are. Garry took control. We drove back to the house, and he talked to me, he listened to me, and together we worked out who I needed to phone. He pulled out two seats into the hall, and we sat together at the phone, while I phoned family, and friends. He gave me hugs when I needed them, he gave me silence when I needed it, and he talked to me when I needed it.

And as friends and family started to appear, he gave them exactly the same. My mum's brother and sister-in-law appeared, he answered the door, he brought them in, he made them cups of tea, and he sat with us. As soon as tears came, he slipped out of the room, and gave us the space to comfort and grieve together. And it felt so good to be left with my aunt and uncle. My mum loved them so much, and would have wanted us to be together, me for them, and them for me. It was right.

My mother- and sister-in-law were next. They had driven from the other side of Edinburgh, as soon as they heard. They knew Chris wasn't there, and they wanted to be there for him. And for me. Dropped everything and got to me as quick as they could. Mum would have been so grateful for that show of love. As was I.

And others came; friends from school came down at the end of the day, another friend from school brought soup, to keep me going. It meant so much. My cousin, who I don't see so often, she cycled over to make sure I was OK. How kind people are.

And my beautiful friend Ann, she left her husband and three children, and stayed by my side all night, and most of the next morning. And the most amazing and wonderful thing was I knew she would do it. In the middle of it all, I knew it, before I even asked. I knew she was my true friend, and I could absolutely depend on her.

And I think that's what I will remember most. On a day like that day, as well as experiencing the greatest sadness of my life to date, I realised just how important the love and support of friends are, in my life. I never want to forget it.