Grapes of wrath

Audrey Parks

When I was a wee girl I loved to visit Granny. It was sitting on the Creepie beside her that I met leprechauns and kelpies, witches and wizards, giants and ghosts, and saints and sinners, as we wandered through the Gaeltacht.

But it wasn't only stories that led me to Granny, even though I know she must be the best storyteller in the world - it was the Secret! As soon as I entered the house, I hung up my coat and dashed into the dining room. Standing on tiptoe I grasped the edge of the sideboard, and I could just reach high enough to flip open the lid of a silver teapot, which I knew - and only I knew - would be full of sweets - dolly mixtures, jelly babies, conversation lozenges - the kind I loved - the kind my Mum called rubbish!

One day when my Mum was going to town, I was delivered to Granny, and as usual I made a dash into the dining room, flipped up the lid of the teapot, filled my mouth and both hands full of goodies and returned to the hall. I stopped - petrified - Mum was still there! Oh, you should have heard the row my Gran got!! No wonder I couldn't eat my tea on the day I went to visit Granny - stuffed full of rubbish, and so on and so on I didn't utter a word - well it was impossible, and that would have been another row - speaking with my mouth full!! I stood silent, chewing away, two hands full of melting sweets and thought - Oh Mum - if only you knew and I hope you never will - but of course she found out in a strange way.

Every day I passed Granny's house on the way to school and she was always at the window to wave. Two, three, maybe even four times a week she would come running out and put something into my coat pocket - a wee treat for playtime - so she said! One Friday afternoon when the last bell sounded, I rushed to the cloakroom, eager to be on my way. I put on my coat, put my hand in my pocket - Ouch! - there was something soft and squashy that moved, and I could only think of a mouse. It was a long way home, but I went at the double, burst into the house shouting - Mum, Mum, there's a mouse in my pocket! My Aunt - a rather timid lady who lived with Granny - was there and Mum said to her "Get that coat off and peg it on the line".

Out to the garden we went, and down the steps marched Mum armed with the carpet beater. Swish - she swiped the coat - nothing happened. Another swipe - harder this time - and something moved. My Aunt and I stepped back, clutching each other.

Another almighty whack - and out flew - a bunch of grapes! Granny, who had never even heard of healthy eating, had got it right that time.