Fight

Catherine MacBean

1963

It is the summer of 1963. I am 13. I feel like a complete outsider among the 'in crowd' of my mates. They are all cool and hip and I am decidedly uncool but desperate to be accepted and become part of the 'in crowd'. They are all between 12 and 14. They have everything sussed, they know everything about everything, scared of nothing, and able to take on the world.

We have all been brought up in Partick in the west end of Glasgow. This is the centre of the universe. My cousin, Anne is one of the in crowd and we are best friends. All together we number somewhere around a dozen.

They are all always dressed in the latest fashion, are good looking, and really cool. I always have the wrong clothes, am gauche and awkward, and self-conscious in the extreme.

But the thing that I am least like them in is that they are all great fighters! I am terrified of any kind of violence.

The day of the fight has arrived! The crowd feels slighted by some perceived insult from the Renfrew team. A plan has been made to go to Renfrew, seek out the offending team and 'sort them out'. I am recruited and, full of bravado, have promised to go along with them to give 'handers', and now we are going to take on the Renfrew team. I am sick to my stomach with fear and apprehension, and I haven't slept all night.

My cousin Anne, who is a bit of a wimp like me, has also promised to go to Renfrew to defend the honour of the crowd. However, she has managed to get herself 'kept in' by her mother for some misdemeanour she has committed, and hence has a perfect excuse for not being able to go.

Years later when I thought about it, I think she might have engineered the 'keeping in' bit in order to get out of going. I just hadn't been that clever!

I can't think of anything that would be believable enough to offer as an excuse. So there is no alternative, I have to go!

As we board the bus from Partick to the Renfrew ferry my mouth is becoming very dry, and the palms of my hands are starting to sweat. Some of the boys start to try out dummy judo throws and punches on each other in practice for the real thing. As I watch this, a feeling of deep dread is starting to develop in the pit of my stomach, and all 4 foot 6 inches of my six and a half stone body begins to tremble at the thought of what lies ahead. But, I have to front this out. I have to impress the others if I want to become part of the crowd and be fully accepted. I have to look as if all of this is second nature to me, as well as to them.

I begin to pray. "Please let me get through this dear God. Please let me not make a complete fool of myself. Just let me be a good fighter for this one time. But I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else! Oh God, what am I going to do?"

The ferry begins to approach the Renfrew side of the Clyde. My legs suddenly begin to feel like they are made of lead. Every step is a struggle. I make myself walk down the gang plank off the ferry and along the road towards the park where the fight is to take place.

I begin to think about what the opposition is going to be like. I have never met anyone from Renfrew in my life before. I don't even know what they have said or done that is so bad. What the heck am I doing here anyway? As I look around I notice that this place looks much more menacing than Partick. There is a distinctly different feel about this place. The people here look a lot tougher and much more threatening. Oh God, what is going to happen to me here in this God forsaken place? I wish I could just run away. But if I do that I'll never be part of the crowd. They'd never forgive me. I'd be ostracised forever!

I look around at everybody else. They all look as if they are looking forward to what is to come. Why can't I be like them? They're not scared. They're not wimps like me.

The leader says "We've tae meet them inside the park gates. They said they'd be there at wan o' cloack." "Whit time is it the noo?" says somebody else. "Ten tae wan." Says another.

"Oh my God, ten minutes from oblivion" I think. We walk further up towards the park. The gates are in view. "Wait tae ah get they swines. Ah'm gonny make mincemeat o' them." Somebody shouts. Everybody else joins in shouting similar comments while I remain unable even to utter a single word, let alone shout. My mouth has completely dried up!

We approach the park gates. I am on the verge of throwing up.

Wait a minute. There's nobody in sight. Where are they? "We better walk further in and see if we can find them." Somebody says. But there's nobody to be seen anywhere. The leader off says "Well that shower o' fearties huvny turnt up lads 'n' lassies. We better jist go hame!"

"Oh thank you God!!!!!!!!!" I sigh inwardly to myself.

Back on the ferry. Back to civilisation. Back to Partick.

Head thumping, but a feeling of massive relief coursing through my bones, I get back home to Mum and Dad and wee brother. Safe and secure, a warm feeling begins to engulf me.

"Hullo hen, come 'n' gie yer Daddy a big hug." Says my Dad. "Hullo hen." Says my Mum. "Huv ye hud a good day oot playin' wi' yer pals then?" "Aye great fun Mammy." I say. "Well whit wur yiz up tae the day?" she retorts. "Oh nuthin, jist went a wee trip oan the Renfrew ferry. There's a lovely wee park ower there, but ah think Ah'll just stick tae the Kelvingrove fae noo oan." I say. "Efter a' there's nae place like hame!!!"