Anchor that Donkey

Mrs Edith Hornall

For thirty years or thereabouts, I worked with STV behind the scenes on various soaps, sit-corns, drama series, etc, etc. My job title was stage manager, a trifle puzzling to some, considering I was working in television, but I could see the logic as the alternative was, call girl!

On the soap programmes there was considerable pressure, as the programmes were going out on air once, twice, and eventually three times a week, so we were feeding a monster which gobbled up all that we recorded quite quickly. We had to film the outdoor scenes on the day allocated, regardless of weather, aeroplanes, people not turning up to open gates, etc etc.

Apart from soaps, I was occasionally involved with a programme some of you will remember, "Highway," a religious programme introduced by the much missed, Sir Harry Secombe. This programme was recorded out of sequence with the seasons, what I mean is, in this case, we were filming a programme scheduled for transmission at Easter, in November!

This is fine if you are inside a church or similar building as you cannot see the trees, or the lack of flowers. We didn't have it that easy, oh no. The powers that be, never identified, had decreed that Sir Harry, would sing a song in front of a gentle green banking, covered in, DAFFODILS!

November, remember? Well, there was only one thing for it, plastic Daffodils, a lorry load of plastic Daffodils. They all had to be "planted" by hand, no prizes for guessing who drew the short straw on that one!

On the fateful day, there was quite a strong wind but nothing daunted we proceeded. Sir Harry's song was pre-recorded so there were no problems there as he was very convincing at miming, a real professional. We started the musical tape, rolled the cameras, etc, and the wind took the same cue! A huge gust blew the Daffodils over, many of which popped clean out of the ground spraying earth which drew your eye to the fact that they were not real! Cut, re-plant, standby, roll cameras, and it happened again, and again! By this time the whole crew are joining in to stick the wretched things back in, each convinced that theirs would stay in, this time! But they didn't! The saving grace of the day was Sir Harry Secombe who dissolved in giggles and kept us all smiling, as he pranced around with a Daffodil between his teeth! Eventually we got the song completed, and went home shattered!

I mentioned working on soaps before, and the one I worked on the longest was Take The High Road. The outdoor filming scenes were done frequently in farms with all sorts of animals, who were not trained. This caused many difficult days. One that I will not forget in a hurry involved a donkey. The writers, closeted in a nice warm office in the centre of Glasgow had decided in their infinite wisdom to introduce a new character to the viewers in a, as they thought, clever way. The character was a lady vet, who was to stop her land rover to inspect a donkey wandering loose on the track. Loose, but on the track, yea! Try telling an untrained donkey to wander, but only within an area we could cover with a long range camera, near the track which the vet would drive along and find it. I think you see the problem.

In those days I carried a backpack with all sorts of, to me, useful things. String, tape, biscuits, mints, for horses, the odd apple and, what was to prove the answer to the problem, a pair of marigold rubber gloves.

We tried several times to get this piece of filming done, but, of course, when the donkey sensed freedom, he was not for hanging around! We had a circle of people and vehicles to try and contain the beast but he was clever, oh boy was he clever! I swear he recognised the word, Action! Every time he took off and found a break in the cordon. We had to stop, round him up, back the land rover up a quite steep path, and start all over again. Just when we were about to abandon this part of the scene the farmer muttered something about the donkey's favourite snack being nettles! Marigold gloves! Got it in one! There was I lying on my front behind a rock, wearing said gloves and feeding the animal nettles. At that precise moment, in my head came my, then young son's voice asking, "Mummy what do you do out on the hills at the filming?" How would you explain that one to a seven year old?