Creative excuses

Chasing up a writer recently, I got the reply: I thought I'd already sent it to you.

This leapt immediately into my top 10 of writers' reasons for non-delivery, assuming, of course, that they respond. Some just screen their calls.

And the rest of the top 10:

My computer was stolen.

You won't believe this, but my new computer was stolen too, so I'm having to start writing it all again from scratch for a second time.

No, I never got the notes, I've been waiting for you. Yes, we talked about it, but I thought you'd write the notes down for me.

I couldn't find anywhere in Paris to plug my modem in.

Is it due today? I had next Tuesday in my diary.

I was going to call you, but my phone was nicked/I couldn't get reception.

Look, use the draft you've got. Trust me, it's funny.

The 'e' dropped off my typewriter. (One writer I worked with clung to his elderly Remington far into the age of computers).

I've got a bit of a cough.

More contributions welcome.