How to improve emotional intelligence?

We all experience many different emotions, but did you know that understanding them, and learning the skills to notice and respond to them effectively, can also help manage wellbeing and mental health?

World Mental Health Day 2026 is marked on 10 October and shines a light on mental health, helping to reduce negative attitudes around it. We spoke to Dr Emma Hepburn, a.k.a The Psychology Mum, who explained emotional intelligence to us. Emma also talked to us about why you may be emotional as a teenager and gave us some skills you can develop to help understand and respond to your emotions. Here's what she had to say.

Why am I so emotional?

Teenagers can experience emotions that are more frequent, intense, changeable and unpredictable than they were before. During teenage years there are number of things that happen both internally and externally that can impact on how you feel.

Internally, there are hormonal and brain changes that can make emotions more intense, reactive, they are often released during puberty and can impact on how we feel. The teenage brain also tends to be more sensitive to stimuli and produces more stress hormones which can lead to bigger emotional responses. Alongside this, areas of the brain which are responsible for executive functioning (skills like planning, impulse control and problem solving) and emotional regulation are reorganising, which can make managing these big emotions more difficult.

On the outside, life can start to become more challenging, with more demands like exams, new experiences, and lots of body and life changes to manage. The teenage years is a time when social relationships shift and friendships, and the opinions of friends, are really important. This means you have to manage and navigate new and more complex relationships and friendship dynamics. It’s also a time when you start to become more self-aware of who you are as a person and how you are perceived. Finally, some typical teenage behaviour can influence how our body feels – such as staying up late and not getting enough sleep, or spending too much time sitting and not moving your body enough.

These combined internal and external factors can result in emotional reactions that may take you by surprise, be overwhelming, confusing, and difficult to manage. However, these emotional changes are a normal part of being a teenager and learning about your emotions and how to respond to them are skills that you can learn.

Learning the skills to notice and understand our emotions

There are lots of things we can do to build skills to help us understand and become more aware of our emotions.

Look at what you think about emotions

What you think about emotions is important as it affects how you respond to them. If you think that emotions are bad, you shouldn’t have them or there’s nothing you can do about them, then you are more likely to ignore them, and feel out of control. Instead, the science tells us that emotions are a normal part of how brains and bodies work, that everybody has them and that we can learn skills to build and support our emotions.

If you can think like a scientist about emotions, you are more likely to become inquisitive about them, notice them and learn the skills to support them.

Notice how you're feeling

Becoming aware of how you're feeling is one of the first steps to understanding emotions. This can start with simply noticing how you feel on a scale from green (okay), amber (some feelings) to red (intense feelings). You can also bring your attention to what you are experiencing in your body – i.e. notice what you are feeling and where. Are you feeling tension in your shoulders? A fuzzy brain? Racing thoughts? Sweaty palms? Once you spot your body feelings, you can observe them changing or passing and think about what emotion they indicate for you.

Spot the patterns

It can be helpful to know the signs that you are feeling particular emotions such as overwhelmed, stressed, anxious or sad. For example, how does your body feel? What do you do? What happens with your thinking? Understanding your patterns can help you spot these signs early and take action to respond to them in a helpful way.

Give your emotion a name

Labelling how you feel can help you understand the feeling and know what to do about it. Once you have spotted a feeling, think about the best name for it. If you find you are only using terms like bad or good, think about how you can break this down further into a more specific emotion. Scientists call this emotional granulation. People who can do this are better at regulating their emotions.

Think about this like putting an emotion into a sieve and breaking it into finer details or emotions. Does bad mean disappointed, or perhaps jealous, sad or worried? Breaking it down into finer detail really helps us understand what we are feeling and how we can best respond to it. The more emotion words you know, the more able you are to sieve them and break them into finer detail and understand them. Reading can help you build your emotional vocabulary and there are lots of list and tools online, like the emotions wheel, which are specifically designed to help with this.

Learning the skills to respond to and regulate your emotions

Once we know how to notice and understand our emotions, we can also learn skills to help us to respond to and regulate our emotions.

Look after your body budget

We can think of our resources as a body budget, a bit like a bank account. We need to keep this topped up with deposits to stay well and feel good. If our body budget becomes depleted, we are more likely to feel stressed, sad or anxious. For example, poor sleep, not enough downtime, too much stress, not eating regularly or not staying hydrated can all make withdrawals from your body budget, leaving you depleted and affecting how you feel. We therefore need to make regular deposits into our body budget to keep it healthy. One way to do this is by intentionally building positive experiences into your day.

Think about the activities that help you feel good, energised or calm, and make time for them regularly. When we're busy or stressed, these are often the first things we stop doing, so try to plan enjoyable activities into your revision timetable to make space for them.

Give your difficult emotions space and kindness

How you speak to yourself when you have an emotion is important. Sometimes people will tell themselves they shouldn’t feel this way or be critical of themselves. This just makes your brain feel more stressed and can make emotions even more difficult. Make sure you give your emotions some space – step back from them and recognise how you are feeling and speak to yourself kindly.

Remind yourself that it’s okay to have emotions, that everybody feels bad sometimes and it’s a normal part of being a teenager (and a normal part of being a human)! Then use your emotions as data and think about what you can do to support them.

Learn helpful coping strategies

Think about what helps you cope with emotions. Helpful copings strategies include talking things through with someone, tackling problems and doing things that boost your mood or help you feel calm. There are also some helpful skills that you can learn when you experience big emotions. For example, breathing techniques can be a powerful tool if you feel overwhelmed or stressed, and there are lots of videos and apps that can help learn these. Some people like to keep an emotional first aid kit with prompts and helpful things that help you cope when difficult emotions hit.

Recognise when emotions are becoming difficult to cope with alone and take action to seek support

Everyone struggles at times. If you find that your emotions are becoming difficult to cope with, then it’s important to seek support. You might notice you're feeling sad or anxious most of the time, or your emotions are stopping you doing the things you want to do. You do not have to manage alone and there are lots of things that can be done to help.

You can speak to your GP, or there are often people who work in schools or community spaces who can provide support. You might want to speak to your parents, or a teacher to help you access support. Seeking support is not a weakness it is a strength.

If you need support

You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.

If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

There are more links to helpful organisations on the BBC Bitesize Action Line page for young people.